Ok, so you’re back? That means you’re locked in on toxic positivity with me until the end of the season. I’m gonna be a believer whatever happens this week because I have to, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to take toxicity levels to those we saw from #TeamPosiGooners during the Wenger days. Oh no, this will be a more measured type of toxicity, not the sort that kills you, it’ll just give you a severe lung disorder if consumed too long.
My biggest worry for this evening is that I have a colonoscopy today… and I do not want to have to say in my hottest of takes after the game:
‘I was fully expecting the worst thing to happen to me today was going to be the colonoscopy, WRONG. It was 90 minutes of Arteta stodgeball’
Serious note, get one booked if you haven’t, colon cancer is shite, it’s on the rise, 50% uptick in cases since 1994, and no one knows why… it got my mum, don’t let it get you. It is very preventable if caught early. Get urself sorted x
But, this is how it could go today. Don’t think this game against Sporting is a given. Arsenal are in bad shape right now. Mikel Arteta is doing too much, the players are broken and beaten. There are quite clearly some players doing all they can to be in contention, and there are some who quite clearly aren’t.
Don’t think it’s just Arsenal fans noticing this — and don’t think that sort of nonsense, along with a manager absolutely obsessed with being a bit of a Brent machine, along with serious end-of-season fatigue, isn’t going to impact the game tonight.
Martin Odegaard needs to sh*t or get off the pot. Available for Southampton, then he was pointing at his knee. No show for Bournemouth when he was in contention. No news of the usual scan result that has put a timescale on his return. No detailed input from the manager. 1,078 minutes. That’s how many minutes he’s played in the Premier League this season. 285 for CL. It’s shocking. Even worse? The Norway manager drops more Odegaard exclusives than Hand of Arsenal drops for an entire summer.
‘Martin Ødegaard, I am confident about. He is very much getting going now and he has less and less pain. Hopefully, he will play one of the nearest Arsenal matches, and then it rolls by itself.’
Oh wow, so nothing too serious? Clearly his WhatsApp fingers are in fine form. Wonder why the Norway coach is the first to know? Bring your dinner, bring your lunch… unless you’re Arsenal captain. It just doesn’t sit well for me on any level.
Now marry that against what we know about Noni. Sure, not playing well, but that’s a guy who was in a knee brace a few weeks ago, he’s available.
Eze, available for this evening, this is how Arteta framed the mindset:
‘He’s another one that is going to push every boundary.’
You think that wasn’t choiceful language?
The other two players who are essential to any success we have are Bukayo Saka and Jurrien Timber. Both could make today, but I suspect they are unlikely… but Arteta saying they are available means they have been cleared of any major issues. Jurrien Timber, no doubt, the man is a warrior. Hard to challenge someone who plays all the minutes and returns after a major injury with almost no problems.
But where is Bukayo? Average performances by his standards, available for England duty, not sent home in a knee brace, so what have we got going on here? Everyone experiences pain differently. But the monsters of the game, consistently, are those who battle through. How many games did a 33-year-old Mo Salah miss through pain last season? Tells you a lot. If it’s not pain, then we need to know what the prognosis is, it certainly wouldn’t be ‘maybe tomorrow’ if it were something more serious.
When you talk about the minerals for a title run, these are the sort of things that have to roll your way. It just feels like such a bullshit way for a season to go down the shitter.
Arteta’s presser was telling.
“No fear - that’s what I want to see on the players, on the people, on myself. That’s it. Go for it because the opportunity is unbelievable. We are in April, we have an incredible opportunity ahead of us. Let’s confront it, let’s go for it by really putting absolutely everything into it.
“I’m dreaming so much. I’ve done so much to be in this position because I know how this club was. I’ve done so much against anything that this is beauty. I just see beauty, opportunity and I want to get it done for everyone, all these people that have been in this journey with us, and because they deserve it, because it’s been unbelievable.
“It’s just purpose, fire, direction and conviction that we’re going to do it. I see that drive from the players - big time.”
He is always at his best when he talks like he’s just been visited by a demon who has shown him a dark future he does not want to believe could be his.
The content felt like a slip of the mask if I’m honest. He’s seething. At players who aren’t giving him what he wants, at some fans he probably feels are ungrateful, and the walls of inevitability looking like they’re moving in on him…
But, maybe that vulnerability is something he wanted us to see? That he wanted the players to hear? A moment to show that he really f*cking cares about getting it over the line.
He needs the players on the pitch to care tomorrow because the evening is going to be very, very hard for whoever pulls on an Arsenal shirt.
Declan Rice is a late test because of something short-term. But, that does cause us issues again. He has been the heartbeat of our side and his mobility in midfield gives us so many options and get out of jail moments we just don’t have when we have to roll with Norgaard. That is a problem. Would Arteta roll with Kai as the left 8? He might have to.
Odegaard can be offset by Eze in midfield.
Gyokeres should be good against Sporting, at home (prays).
The full back situation should improve with the return of Hincapie to left back — Calafiori should also be available.
Right back is probably going to be Ben White again, though I do worry he’s doing a lot of minutes for a fragile human.
So, there’s a lot that’s not ideal about this game… but the main thing for me is how the dressing room feels about everything that’s going on.
Do they have the balls to push past this nonsense and secure a MONSTROUS tie in the semi-final of the Champions League against a team they’ve already hammered this season?
Or will they meekly slip out of the competition they’ve been dominating all season and blow a tremendous chance to go to a final this year?
I just don’t know.
I hope Arteta can find the right tenor with the players this week. I hope the team can rally and resist the tradition of total April collapse. I’m desperate for the fans to go into this evening with fresh energy — the booing was horrendous to hear and extremely out of character.
They say you don’t deserve anything in football — but I want to counter that, because it’s bollocks. Arsenal fans deserve a trophy this season. It’s time. No doubt. I don’t care how it looks, feels, smells, tastes… we just need glory. Is it desperate to ask… ‘can it just not go our way for one f*cking year?’
Yes it is, that was embarrassing, I’m sorry.
So for this evening? I’m backing the boys in red. I don’t believe they’re caving tonight. They can get us to the promised land of a semi-final. Then we can assess what can happen at the weekend. But the two are probably going to be linked… if we can get a good result this evening, it’ll make the plans for the away game on Sunday a little bit easier to execute. We need a mood lifter, there’s no better time to do that, than to the tune of the Chaaaaaampions du duh duh daaaahhhhhhhhh!
So I’ll see you later. Right after the game. Let’s have a fucking good evening! x