WHAT IF RAHEEM... IS PERFECTION?

LIFE IS ALL ABOUT TIMING - IS HE HIM?

Well, how goes it?

I think I might be getting old—there’s a tree in my front garden that I despise. It’s home to a family of very loud birds. When they move out, it’s home to noisy cicadas. When it’s not a home, it emits red pollen that stains my white car. When the pollen gives out, the beastly tree drops heavy fruit that glues to the bonnet of my black car in the heat - the stain is indelible. When that’s all done, it sheds its leaves and it is ugly without its green clothes.

Can I kill this tree? No. I live in a neighborhood of good people who believe all trees should have a chance. But… I could? Right? A little dash of petrol drilled into the roots? An accidental Texas Chainsaw massacre? Crashing the car into the trunk to fake an insurance job so I can have a new cars with pollenless paint?

Pariah status would be worth it…

I could plant a new tree. A plastic tree. One where no bird would slumber.

This is how I think during the international break.

When I’m not stewing over the vermin tree, I’m mainlining some A-grade Raheem Sterling content.

There are people on the internet saying he’s not technically gifted—can you imagine? Barry from Croydon, who everyone laughed at for rolling up to Powerleague as an unused sub in £140 goatskin Lotto boots, is on the internet critiquing the technique of a player who scored 31 goals with 5 assists in 2019, has won 4 Premier League titles under the greatest manager of all time, was signed by Tuchel, and then Mikel Arteta… and he lacks technique.

What the fu*k are these people talking about when they say one of the best Premier League players of the last decade lacks technique? What could he do better than scoring goals, creating assists, and winning massive trophies with his outrageous technique?

Barry, my dear, please tell us how you’d improve his game, we need to know?!

The internet gives too many passes to idiot accounts that make up language no one uses in football to sound intelligent. It makes me extremely angry that there’s no consequence to this behaviour… because sh*tting on someone carries less risk than predicting greatness.

… and I’m here to predict greatness and I expect to be rewarded with bot-like praise.

Arseblog wrote a headline that stated ‘Don’t let Perfect Be The Enemy Of Good.’

… but what if Raheem is perfect?

What if we’ve overvalued a 23-year-old with a ceiling that has yet to be met?

What if Arsenal just went full-on Real Madrid when they signed PEAK Zinedine Zidane at 28 years old? United when they signed Robin Van Persie at 29 years old? Arsenal when they signed Wrighty at 28 years old? Sammy Eto’o when Inter signed him?

Did we just sign a player at the peak of his power after he was slandered by Maresca and all of Chelsea’s media attack dogs?

We might well have… and he could tip the club into trophy land this season.

No one wants to admit it, but most of the success you have in life (and the failures) is down to timing. Luck plays a crucial role in both. The winners are written up as geniuses—the losers as unprepared and weak sauce. My suspicion is that the timing on Raheem Sterling couldn’t be better. He’s coming out of Chelsea purgatory as one of their standout performers last year, he’s been binned by England, written off by the media, and Arteta has given him the chance to shine under his tutelage again.

This man is a weapon…

2018/19: 25 goals, 18 assists (Manchester City)

2019/20: 31 goals, 10 assists (Manchester City)

2020/21: 14 goals, 10 assists (Manchester City)

2021/22: 17 goals, 8 assists (Manchester City)

2022/23: 9 goals, 4 assists (Chelsea)

If Raheem gets close to what he offered at City this season, we’re pushing on further than last season.

Why would he do that?

Because Arsenal will offer him structure, quality, and a technical safe space he’s used to. Chelsea had none of that last year, and we joked on the AOP that he was their best player. They had multiple managers, a toxic dressing room, zero experience, and a variety of playing styles.

Arteta takes him back to what he knows best…

I’ve hoofed the hopium, and sucked on a canister of positivity, and I’m ready to say that this is the greatest loan signing of the 21st century.

How about a little round-up of news after terrorising you with two Members posts back to back.

Martin Ødegaard suffered quite a heavy knock against Brighton. He was in a lot of pain, and his Norway coach has said as much in the media.

"I think it's another bang,"

"I was about to say, I think it is something other than the bang, so to speak."

It’s an impact injury, so I doubt he’ll be missing the Spurs game, but it’s certainly a worry. I’ve been going on all summer that we don’t have a heir to Martin. We assume he’ll always be fit. But if he’s not, who is it?

Ethan Nwaneri is not ready to take on a 15-game sprint…

Kai Havertz could do a job in that role, but the system would have to change because he’s not the wizard Martin is…

I’ve spent a chunk of the summer suggesting Bukayo could do the job, but the idea of him slipping in there against Spurs scares me a little bit…

This Ødegaard issue is an open question until it’s not—maybe tell me where you think things should go in the comments section!

Kieran Tierney was photographed alive and well at Colney, and he’s been given a boost by getting a Champions League place this season. He’s clearly a top guy who has had his career ruined by a body that has failed him. If he were fit, he’d be at a decent club elsewhere. I’m not sure he’s for this system, but you’d be mad to think he wouldn’t be at a top 6 Premier League club if he could sustain 30 games.

I joked a few weeks ago that Bryan Mbeumo of Brentford looked like the sort of guy that’d get a move to Spurs next summer. Well, one of the big ITKs reckons Arsenal want a piece of him and that his name has been on the table. He predominantly plays on the right, he’s mostly known for his exceptional power, pace, and raw aggression. Someone made the comment that if he had nice hair and had ‘aura’ there’d be more talk about him.

If he has a banger of a season, he’d be 26 next summer, and Premier League ready. You just wonder if he’s maybe kicking on a bit for a back-up to Saka. He’s a starter from Brentford, plays all the games, there’s a risk in taking him out of that starting role. Though we do have a comparable… Trossard. Another unfashionable winger who came to Arsenal, stepped the fuck up, and put the kid under the spotlight.

There are a few folk online saying Arsenal has played the summer really well and they can go big next season… uhhhm, yah, of course.

But our senior squad is thin this season.

Of our senior players:

Timber, Zinchenko, Jesus, Partey, Tomi, Tierney—all injury prone.

PremierLeague.com bulks out with Salah, Setford, Nwaneri, and MLS. Who have less than 500 PL minutes between them.

It doesn’t take much to put us in a very bad place.

Tony Bloom said Brighton spent £198m because it was uniquely quiet this window, and they could get players they couldn’t normally. Should we be doing better in positions that are scarily short?

Or was the gamble right?

Many questions that’ll no doubt get answered very shortly.

Ok, that’s me done. Check out Thursday Therapy and do consider signing up as a member for LE GROVE by adding your email below or signing up to be a paid hero. x

THURSDAY THERAPY - REBOOTING MARTINELLI