Look, I didn’t think I’d be here saying this, but my word, the football is so much more fun against lower-level teams who say… f*ck it, let’s have a crack. It wasn’t just that we delivered a walloping, because we were absolute dross in the first half; it’s because teams that have nothing to lose tend to ask more questions than the season’s world-class managers who just look to suffocate. Glasner said after Palace lost that you don’t need tactics in these sorts of games… and that’s how it looked and felt at Fratton Park. Just raw ‘magic of the cup’ football and it was a breath of fresh air. 65 year old men dropping the w*nker gesture at throw-ins. Salt of the earth bad behavior that makes you proud to be English.
What a weird old afternoon. There was some good, some good bad, and a fair chunk of muddy ugly. But we scored 4 goals. Martinelli landed a proper English hattrick—they say Own Goal got his 6th of the season, but I think it was Norgaard. We had a start from Jesus, a cameo from Kai. A lot of good stuff.
The first half was quite frustrating. Ben White, Ethan, and Merino had good halves of football… but outside that, it looked like too many of the players showed up thinking victory was assured. Dare I say it, we looked arrogant.
No one summed this up more than Madueke. He took too many touches, made poor decisions, and lost the ball in compromising places. I love the potential of the player, but I sometimes struggle to work out if he’s arrogant, trying too hard, or if his nervous tic is to just go it alone. This season, he’s mostly looked world class delivering next to no output. Whatever the problem in first half, you can be assured Arteta and the rest of the side let him know about it. Nothing quite summed up his half like running a fullback so hard he was fouled for a penalty… then stepping up to take responsibility for the kick I’m sure wasn’t his, stutter-stepping so hard it was a stutter stop, then putting it wide so the game went unkilled.
That said, you can’t knock our set pieces. Portsmouth were a match for us in the press. They took the lead down our right when we let them rip off a shot from the edge of our box; a rusty Kepa parried it into the path of Colby Bishop, and the finish was an easy one.
We clawed back under set-piece circumstances. The ball was put under the keeper, Portsmouth couldn’t clear it, and it was eventually poked in by Dozzell. Who nodded the header into the dangerzone? Martinelli. He’s been quite good in the air of late, thinking about the header he won for the Gyokeres run against Bournemouth as well.
The second goal was another similar idea. Noni fired one at the near post, and Martinelli moved at it like a Sunday League big lad king, nodding it across goal like his name was Gabe Martin from Dagenham. Worth noting, Big Gabe, is now the top scorer with… 9 goals.
It kind of felt like we got away with it a bit. They tested our keeper more than we tested theirs. For a team looking like relegation candidates from the Championship, they sure did show that a lot of that might be in the mentality.
The Pompey energy levels were always going to dip in the second half, and so they did. Arsenal got a foothold into the game, and Gabi Jesus showed his class, flashing a low diagonal ball across the box from the right side of midfield… Gabriel Martinelli was on call at the back post for the simple finish. Extra important after he missed an open goal from a yard out in the first half.
The final goal of the afternoon was another Noni corner that found Martinelli for the unchallenged header. Proper bacon sandwich and a cig at halftime kind of goal. I loved it.
The real big moment of the afternoon was seeing Kai Havertz come on. Jacob from the podcast messaged, ‘this just feels right,’ and my god did it feel like silk on my eyeballs. Listen to Arteta talk like he had silk rolling over his eyesockets as well.
“Last few minutes, I was just watching him move and his awareness, the way he needs to move, when he needs to move, in relation to what he moves.
“It's just great to watch. We miss him big time. He's back with us and now we need to maintain his fitness because he's a very important player for us.”
Saucy stuff. Kai’s touch, vision, and presence just gave us something we haven’t had all season… a trusted outlet with world-class abilities we desperately need. He was barely on the pitch when he picked it up on the halfway line, turned, and slipped the perfect ball into Madueke. Just dreamy stuff, man. It’ll take a while for him to get up to speed, he’ll have to be looked after, and it’ll be rough… because he’s basically had similar treatments to Benny Blanco. But between Merino and Jesus, we can get to better outcomes than we have been so far this season.
Ethan, another forgotten player, gave a good account of himself. I was kind of horrified that he refused a Bournemouth loan… then I thought I should tell myself to stfu. This kid is betting on his own abilities, and he wants to learn and grow at Arsenal. Good. For. Him. The boy has pace to burn, and he certainly looked like the more mature player between himself and Eze.
Ben White had a really good first half, managing his one-v-ones with ease while contributing with class in the final third. Though it must be noted he faded in the second half, getting megged at one point, and fouling his man so many times he was booked and taken off for Jurrien Timber. He’s a top player, but he just doesn’t seem right fitness-wise since the big return.
Myles put another cause-for-concern performance on the books. He’s been poor most of the past year. He gets caught flat-footed, and he makes some very bone-headed decisions in dangerous places. I’m game for being a high-risk player—that was Thomas Partey at his peak—but I can’t account for that being your game if you get caught out one in three times. He had a run of games that really are going to be make-or-break for his season; on that showing, he’s gonna have to be doing double sessions this week to get his mind back on his game.
Mikel Merino was the most consistent in the game; he played as a 6 and executed like he’d been there his whole life. He’s our James Milner. Can do it all to an 8 out of 10 in any position. A real steal when you think about the fee.
Eze is starting to worry me. He was given a Championship team to bully, and he didn’t get a shot off until the 81st minute. He created nothing, was barely present, and it’s getting a little bit painful to watch him right now. We know he’s an unreal player, we also know he floats in and out of seasons… can’t do that at Arsenal, especially not after you’ve had a 4-week winter break during the season.
Final shoutout goes to Marli Salmon, who entered the pitch as a 16-year-old and had some really positive moments against beastly men. He dropped a perfect slide tackle, played some clean passes, and looked very much like he could live at the standard of this Arsenal team. I honestly cannot tell you how f*cking hard it is to make it as a 16-year-old centre-back at a club like Arsenal that is on top of the world. This boy must be the real deal if he’s getting minutes now, especially when you consider Man U starter, Ayden Heaven, peaced out at Arsenal because he knew what was coming up behind him.
The future is still Hale End. Hopefully, the 4th round is kind to us. See you in the comments. Make sure you get on the members’ On The Whistle. It was a FUN show. x
ON THE WHISTLE | FA CUP | PORTSMOUTH (A) | MEMBERS
Was that fun? It was. Pedro, Johnny, and Matt discuss a nice afternoon at Pompey.
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