CRAZY PREMIER LEAGUE SPENDING BEGINS
NORTH LONDON RIVALS OPEN THE SUMMER WITH A HUGE FEE FOR MIDFIELDER MATEUS FERNANDES
Sisters and brothers of Arsenal, how are we today? Feeling good? I am. World Cup knockouts are here and we’re finally shaking out some of the dross from the tournament so we can get to the good stuff. Yes, that could include England today as they face off against the imperious DR Congo.
When we talk about countries, I know what you want: square footage… and, to be clear, DR Congo is a Stan Kroenke Texas ranch to our graduate West Village apartment. The country is 18 times the size of England. 905,000 square miles. A country of staggering size.
It also has better wildlife than England. While we’re battling squirrels and drunk badgers, the Congo has Bonobos, elephants they call forest gardeners, and Okapi (forest giraffes). Our most deadly animal? A Ben White, lethal in the box, will remove your keeper gloves in the flash of a second. Congo? They have something called the Rhinoceros viper… and the deadliest of all, the black mamba.
Needless to say, the game will be a colourful affair, and I suspect there is plenty for England fans to worry about heading into this monstrous showdown. Yoane Wissa, the Newcastle flop, can cause problems… and Aaron Wan-Bissaka, one of the most hyped United full backs of recent times, finds himself in their starting 11. As you can see, I am struggling to paint this game dangerous one, but I am just laying down excuses early if the worst happens.
I’m not looking forward to the afternoon, England haven’t felt like they’ve found imperious form yet, but, the best teams turn it on in the knockouts… so let’s pray for the bodies of the Arsenal boys, and hope we have a very grand afternoon.
Still, if we win… México en México City. What a game that’d be. I cannot imagine the pre-game scenes. You can bet your bottom dollar the lads most likely to cause a scrap will be on their best behavior.
Kai Havertz is out of the World Cup. The BIG LAD UP TOP scored a fantastic header to bring an insipid Germany to a penalty shootout, then it was a disaster as he missed his first penalty before Jonathan Tah blazed his sudden-death penalty off the bar, much like Big Gabi.
Do I care for Germany in World Cups? No. Am I upset Kai will be returning after a fruitful run of games? Also no. We need that boy rested and raring to go for the start of the season and an early exit suits Arsenal very well.
Another player who dropped many minutes in the back half of the season was Piero Hincapie, and he was part of a very miserable Ecuador run (that saw them beat Germany) that ended at the Estadio Azteca with a simple 2-0 win for Mexico, and a red card for the full back who said something disgusting under his cupped hand when the ref wasn’t looking. In these sorts of situations, you just gotta hope that it was really petty.
‘Your mum has a Modelo Especial waiting on my private jet.’
Heaven help the Ecuador fans who were putting hands on Mexicans in the stands in front of global cameras. Just not sure I’d be doing that. I mean, I say that like it’s something I’d be doing if the cameras weren’t there. No way. I might say something extremely cutting under a cupped hand like ‘Ecuador’s GDP dropped 2% in 2024 because your dad’s OnlyFans account was suspended’, but hands? No way.
It is not often I am horrified by an Arsenal link, but according to hot sources, the club is monitoring the situation of Illan Meslier of Leeds United in the case that Kepa exits the club this summer. This is a huge downgrade for me and I would be extremely worried. Meslier burst onto the scene as an exciting young keeper who could do magical things with the ball at his feet, but my word, he is extremely error-prone and bad under pressure. Kepa has those genes as well, but he is overall a much higher-level keeper. I don’t understand how we can look to plug the weak points of our squad and have a ticking error bomb sitting as back-up to David Raya. That would be horrible.
Gyokeres faced up to Saliba yesterday and it doesn’t work out well for him or the Swedish national team who went out 3-0. As much as I have loved the World Cup, the idea that you can get into the finals finishing bottom of your qualifier, then get into the knockouts finishing 3rd, is all a bit participation trophy nonsense. Did I enjoy the goals? Yes. But a round of 32 is too much for me and I find the idea that you have to be cataclysmically bad to not get into the knockouts a bit boring.
Still, we do have the pleasure of seeing Norway take on Brazil in the next round. Haaland is scoring goals, Nusa is scoring better goals (Odegaard assist), and one cannot help but be enamored by the idea of seeing Big Gabi vs Erling Haaland one more time this season. Should be feisty.
The Premier League stories are not really captivating me at the moment. Spurs are spending big money, they just paid the asking price for Mateus Fernandes. The 21-year-old double-relegation hero, who did NOT get picked as a top-26 Portugal player this summer, was not WHU PoTS, chose Spurs over United. That is a big number. Good player, no doubt, but that is a criminal number for a prospect. Apparently, it’s going to get crazier for Vinai over there… he’s about to sanction £100m for Tonali. Again, good player, but nearly Declan money? Has the world gone mad?
English football teams. Slathered in delicious money, keep breaching finance rules. The latest, Aston Villa, who were given a fine 22.5m euros for their squad cost ration mishap. Half of that is suspended.
The idea that Arsenal or any other club is going to be put over a barrel on the Rogers price looks even more fanciful when everyone knows the main rationale is they need to make a lot of money to avoid problems this coming December.
Arsenal hopefully has tighter valuations on players than fans do, and I’d imagine they won’t be pushed into mega numbers. That said, we moved very late on Eze last summer, and ended up having to put down a far higher sum than we would have had we moved at the start of the transfer window when Steve Parish was practically begging someone to sign him. The Premium came becuase we dithered, then let Spurs lead the charge on cash money.
I think we were all hoping for a speedy start to the summer, but the World Cup was always going to make that a challenge. The season is coming up soon, teams are exiting the grand stage, so maybe we’ll start to see some serious movement on serious players over the coming weeks.
This season is going to be very tough on Arsenal, Arteta will have to lean deeper into his squad than ever before, the signings we make are going to be as important as those that joined last summer. BIG window. Let’s see what Berta has got!
Check out the latest podcast below and the members’ special coming later today.