ARTETA FAITH ISSUES BITE HIM

AVERAGE NEWCASTLE RATTLE TITLE CHALLENGE

I won’t. I shan’t. I can’t. No propaganda from me today. That was abysmal from Arsenal. They don’t deserve my toxic positivity.

That was the sort of performance we thought had been banished to the backrooms of Arsenal history along with Don Raul, Mustafi, and 8-2 away day losses. Newcastle have a deeply average offering, and they were able to kneecap us without playing well, executing what has become our kryptonite: man-for-man.

If I wanted to take you down a football-like YouTube conspiracy VACCINES MAKE YOU WEAK rabbit hole, I’d say something like:

PGMOL has had its way with us with their outrageous decisions. We’ve been screwed with three red cards; those cards have led to bad vibes, and we were stuck with a weak ref today, which allowed Newcastle to play how they thrive… in violence. Joelinton made about 97 fouls and avoided punishment, which sums up the state of the refs. Gillett, the worst a fan can get, was on VAR for the 4th time this season despite his horror shows against us, just in case the main man didn’t get the memo. Part of the rules is that the same refs shouldn’t be on duty too many times in short succession for fairness. Doesn’t apply to Arsenal who might as well have the Aussie Liverpool fan on retainer.

I could go there… but Arsenal has to perform for me to go to the effort of debasing myself like that.

Arteta got everything wrong yesterday. He didn’t do his research on the disease that Newcastle was about to infect us with. We rolled onto a Newcastle Subway, mid-pandemic, with an autoimmune deficiency, and we were ravaged.

Our midfield couldn’t work its way around Newcastle. Our creator, Trossard, was absolutely dreadful. Only one side of our attacking trio had any sauce. Havertz was non-existent again. Martinelli looked like the same player who was struggling two seasons ago.

The whole offering was stodgy, like a fry-up from a London café that also offers Indian curry and Turkish desserts on the same menu. What is this team’s specialty? In a bid to be anything to any team, we seem to lack a true identity, and the flavor is phaal-flavored streaky bacon. The issue? Indian chefs taking on British bacon breakfasts is a cultural hit in London, our football, not so much. We’ve forgotten who we are because we’re overly concerned with nullifying the weaknesses of the opposition. That performance felt very Unai Emery. Seriously talented players looking bogged down in instruction, coming out with nothing.

One shot on target against a Newcastle team desperate to ditch a manager who hasn’t won a game in the league in six. That’s shocking. There’s no excuse for it. We had to be better. I wonder if Arteta regretted taking so many first team players to Preston in the week?

There are circumstances that led us to this monstrosity, and we have to explore them.

Blooding Players Too Late:

Arsenal made some very specific decisions last summer. One of them was that they’d ship out Fabio and Emile Smith Rowe without replacing them. The move, to the fans, was Ethan would be the heir apparent to Odegaard. That made me queasy, but I don’t coach the teenager. Martin was injured on September 9th, and before the Newcastle game, Ethan was given a total of 191 minutes.

What does that tell you? He wasn’t trusted. Being the backup to the best attacking midfielder in the league was, therefore, a very bad idea. Rolling him on against Newcastle in the 61st minute had no chance of giving us something because we’ve given him no feel for the league.

Look at his pass map.

Ethan offered us nothing. There was one moment when Ben White rolled a ball into his path, and Ethan stood still. That’s not his fault. He has no feel for the team. The team has no feel for him.

What should have happened after Martin was injured is this: some minutes. He could have started against Shakhtar (0 mins). Southampton (0 mins). Leicester (5 mins). Arteta took a cautious approach to game time; then, when he needed him to be warm, he was cold and looked a million miles off the pace. Preston and Bolton minutes are useless. It’s like having warm-up fight with Jake Paul before fighting Oleksandr Usyk.

Similar issue with Zinchenko. Arteta froze the Ukrainian out, choosing MLS over him for Liverpool. He needed an unlock against Newcastle, he rolled on the fullback, and he was dreadful. That’s not Zinchenko’s fault, or a reflection on his ability; that is all on Arteta, who has seemed to be more interested in pushing him out than getting him back to his early-days Arsenal form.

You could say similar of Jesus, though he has been given more time to prove he’s probably not capable of cutting it.

… btw, hasn’t he been shocking this season? Can’t believe what I’m seeing. He’s been so bad Palmeiras put in an offer for him over the summer.

Attacking Complacency:

Arsenal scored a lot of goals last season, the majority coming during the back half of the season. In the summer, we know the club targeted a striker and a winger. This is a familiar target set for Arsenal fans, and mostly and upsetting one, because we consistently miss our targets (Mudryk, Vlahovic, Sesko, Williams, Neto, Toney). This summer, it was no different. My guess is Arsenal are hunting perfection and thought the numbers from last year would protect them.

Well, that equation can only work if you have Ødegaard in the side. Arsenal whiffed on attackers again. We instead put all our energies into signing more fullbacks and a duel-winning midfielder who looks like Kai Havertz from last season, but the version that had us unconvinced.

Edu said after signing Raheem, he was never on the agenda, and we’re on Nov 2nd, and he’s not even warming up in a game we’re trailing in. How can it take three years to find a backup to Saka? Our backup striker to Kai Havertz is a player going through a crisis of identity. Gabi Jesus looks like we’ve called him out of retirement for a charity game with Mr. Beast and Kai Cenat. Arteta did this to himself. He knew we were short. Instead of aggressively attacking the deficit, he said, you know what, let’s add another injury-prone fullback into the mix.

Not great.

Martinelli might not fit into this section, but my word, he’s not looking great. I love him. But at some point, you have to wonder if he has a next level? Nico Williams rumors offended me in the summer. Now I’m looking at Gabi, heads down, looking for throw-in and freekicks, preferring them to fighting for g’s and a’s. Teams overload on the right and don’t worry about the left. That’s not the case with City or Liverpool.

Starting 11:

Arteta started with the wrong midfield. Trossard looked moody and uninterested. He was average. Looked every bit a squad player being asked to do something he wasn’t interested in. Merino doesn’t really seem to do anything we need right now. He didn’t offer us an unlock and had me yearning for Rice further forward. Thomas Partey should have started in that midfield with Jorginho to give us a bit more forward momentum, and I’d probably have started with Ethan to see if he’d have given us something more if he wasn’t chasing a game in a dead team.

Vibes FC:

Don’t ask me why I feel this… but I do: Arsenal don’t look quite right at the moment.

Big Gabriel goes off in the Liverpool game, we lose, and he’s back so soon? Saka looks like he’s playing with an edge and a frustration we haven’t seen in the past. The team just looks pissed off, and we’re only at November 2nd.

What’s going on?

The Newcastle performance was utterly shit. A nothing outing. No positives to take from it. It's the sort of mid-performance you get when you’re a top 4 pretender, not a team that wants to be perceived as a genuine contender.

Something seems off. I’ve felt it all season. Could be feeling downbeat about PGMOL harassment. But it’s not that for me. It’s something else. Whatever it is, Arteta needs to root it out, smother it in a plastic bag, and dump it in one of the canals by Angel Station.

Soothsayer Finale:

I’m very depressed about that result, but everything has a solution, and every shitty result has a silver lining so pure it could blind you if you were lying in bed next to it and accidentally turned your iPhone flashlight.

Liverpool squeaked past Brighton – but we already know they aren’t going to last the season. That will break in the New Year. Don’t fear them.

Manchester City were cooked by Bournemouth (had less shots on target than them. What a coach Iraola is). So it’s still 5 points. They are the frontrunner. We need to stay within spitting distance of them.

Blood was drawn today, no doubt. We have some serious problems to handle. But these ridiculous melts flying the white flag on the Premier League to protect their pathetic feelings need to grow a pair. The season isn’t finished. We are just as capable of finding a streak as City. We have already seen this team has goals. We know we can reach 89 points. 5 points is nothing. Ignore anyone complaining it's over; that’s a sleight on their character, not the team.

Success is not linear. You always have to deal with adversity, challenges to your beliefs and slaps to your credibility. This squad can overcome everything. So let’s see what they’ve got for us.

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