ALEX SCOTT DATA DIVE + WEST HAM MIDFIELDER DESERVES 2ND LOOK

WE'RE GOING ON A DIVING HOLIDAY TO THE BAY OF TRANSFERS

Oh, we’ve seen it. The media, pointing out how cute the Norwegians are with their little Viking hats in New York. Yeah, we’ve heard the rumours that the Scots drank the bars dry in Boston. Don’t worry about it, we know the Japanese are getting a lot of attention for collecting their rubbish after the games. Big deal.

Today, it’s time for the attention to focus on the English.

Who sings perfectly synchronized fan songs that push the boundaries of taste and humor to new heights better than us? No one.

Who will look at ‘fun’ cultural mainstays of the World Cup and say, no, not on our watch. Mexican wave? No chance, little Timmy. Behave yourself.

You think the Scots can drink? We’ll show you the full force of drinking in the scorching sunshine of Dallas, and there will be no dress-up in kilts. The only dressing we’ll be doing is dressing down Croatia.

High fashion? You’d best believe Taylor Swift and Charli XCX will be wearing bucket hats after seeing our Barmy Army revel in the sunshine.

Today, it’s our day to reignite dormant passions about the Revolutionary War and ensure that our tiny nation is remembered for all the best vices in football that will be showcased through our brand ambassadors, from untethered fans represented by some of the greatest fan bases from Championship to the Isthmian League.

Plymouth Army, stand tall! Basildon, let the Americans know about your very own Hollywood sign in the land of Essex! If you’re from Middlesbrough, shine sweet smoggy, shine!

This is the day the office sees the real me. Shirtless, face painted, 9 pints of non-light beer deep by 10am, never once reaching for a glass of water to hydrate… this is my day, no one can take it from me.

COME ON ENGLAND

I’m quite in the mood for some World Cup football this afternoon. England face off against a Croatia side that beat us in a semi-final four years ago when Modrić was at the peak of his powers.

The England squad has a very specific Arsenal flavor about it. We have Saka ready, despite concerns about injury. Declan Rice will start. Madueke has featured despite a patchy season. Eze is also in the mixer.

Morgan Rogers, big Arsenal summer target, is also out there with the boys. Not sure if he starts, but he has xG-defying skills that could be useful on the big stage.

The question for European teams is always ‘can they hack the sun’ especially when they’re rolling against the 3pm heat in Dallas of all places. That is going to be deeply unpleasant in the Cowboys’ massive bowl of a stadium. It’ll be 93 degrees, which is 34 Celsius. There are no corners on the stadium. The only hope is that Jerry Jones puts some air con on the pitch pre-game, but I doubt that, even in an era of drill drill drill.

I’m having a little bit too much fun at this World Cup, I know I’m going to be dreadfully upset when they take the 4-games-a-day thing away from me. I’ve loved having the crutch of addictive football next to me at all hours of the day. When they take it away, I’m gonna be like the UK girl who said she’s going to stare at the wall when she can’t mainline social media all day because Keir took away the kids brainrot fuel.

Can you imagine being an Austrian or a Jordanian last night? Putting that on at 11pm central time? Outrageous! What did Rangnick do to Infantino? But overall, the kick off times have been so good to me. The football has also been really fun. The drama of watching Zidane’s boy, who took up Algerian nationality to get a World Cup debut in goal at 28, only to put in a disaster of a performance against Messi and be the keeper who gave the Argentine the world record for goals at the World Cup. His dad, shaking his head from the box seats. Painful. Imagine your dad being Zidane? I’d struggle, I’ve got to say. I’d probably not go into sport. Seek to be the best in horticulture. Make him love my hobbies. Come to see my plants. Make it all about my greatness in a much smaller world. Then fall out because he’d miss my flower-cutting finals because of the World Cup. What a tragedy. We don’t even talk these days, it was always about ‘football’ for him. Selfish man.

My dad didn’t let me go into marketing. Pushed me towards transportation in cardboard boxes. But I weasled my way into the game thinking I’d won, not realising if I’d stayed on in transport, I could have worked for Amazon Logistics in 2009, slowly built a massive stockholding, then purchased Arsenal when I cashed out. Who’s laughing now? My Dad. Should have stayed in boxes.

Transfer stories are mostly bubbling away in the background, but one bid did catch my eye… Spurs going for Tonali at £100m. The Lewis family finally opening up the checkbook for some big names. I’m unsure why Tonali would jump from stumbling project to stumbling project. Giving your best years to a team that has finished 17th twice feels like a crazy move. Even wilder to put your faith in a manager who never lasts 18 months. But, it speaks to his mindset if that happens… or a lack of really good options. Mad how many midfielders are now commanding £100m+ in fees. Elliot Anderson having bids rejected of £120m! No wonder Fabio Vieira is now getting £28m glances from bottom-half-of-the-table teams. Good times.

One player that has me quite excited is Alex Scott of Bournemouth. I’m not sure Marco Rose will want to say goodbye to one of the most talented midfielders in the league, but he might have no choice, and Arsenal might not want to lose out on another Bournemouth star they should have pulled the trigger on (Semenyo). Scott is the exact sort of low-socked, light-footed, fast-thinking box to boxer we don’t really have outside Martin Odegaard. He is great in tight spaces, he loves a one-touch vertical pass, and he’s been raised in one of the best man-for-man systems in the league under Iraola. I have to be honest, he looks like the sort of player City or Liverpool hoover up as a collectible.

You have to contextualize the numbers above through the lens of his age (22 years old), the team he plays for, which is all about rapid transitions, and what we’re looking for… someone with more attacking threat.

According to Scout Lab, he’s 72nd percentile for shooting in the league, which doesn’t really marry to his final action output, but most players don’t start scoring regularly until their mid-twenties, especially in midfield.

He’s also a bit of a monster when it comes to the defensive side of his game (PADJ means position adjusted, so you can normalise possession teams vs non posession). Ground duels, box clearances, and xThreat prevented suggests he reads the game really well for one so young.

Of midfields 24 of younger in the league, he’s ranked 11th in the league overall. But for on the ball attacking, he’s 4th. He’s 7th for ball carrying. 5th for ball control. 7th for positioning.

Definitely a player to keep an eye on, but the one name, when you’re digging through the numbers, that keeps cropping up in the top 5 for attributes is… Matheus Nunes.

If you want a baller in midfield, don’t write this guy off because he gifted us the Premier League by slamming his one vs one into David Raya, thus setting the ball rolling for eventual West Ham relegation. This kid is 21 and he’s shit hot. The number West Ham are asking for is because he lives in the same world as Gravenberch and Caicedo for midfielders 24 or younger. Different kind of midifelder, a bit more attacking, but very good in the final third, with exceptional passing numbers.

I want 70% of our players to come from the Premier League, even better from teams that are overpowered on small budgets, it gives me hope, that sexy feeling of a no-brainer. Bournemouth are the new Brighton when it comes to finding value and this guy looks like he has all the component pieces to be a very good player.

Let’s also not forget about Bradley Barcola. He didn’t start for France, but he came on as a sub and made an instant difference, breaking the Senegal backline with a blistering run, jinking his finish over the keeper when it mattered. Another delightful player to watch, Pirès-like on the ball, absolutely incisive in big moments. Worry here is he’s been pampered with low minutes, low intensity football… but my word, if you wanted to share the minutes out next season, this is a guy who gives you more than you deserve in attack, and I’m not sure we have many players like that at Arsenal. 10 out of 10 link, I hope there’s more to the story than just Berta setting off fog machines in the museum as he hunts out treasures of a different type of value.

Hold my hand… let me touch your leg with the tips of my fingers, like Thierry did to Carragher back in the day.

El Chiringuito TV is reporting that Gil Marín, of Atlético leadership, has called Barca to tell them NO WAY on Julián Álvarez… and wait for it… they’re going to sell to Arsenal in exchange for Big Vik. Andrea Berta, you beast. You king. Is this real? Pinch me. PINCH ME.

Probably not, but I have been saying across my two platforms that Gyokeres is an Atleti-like player who would probably thrive in La Liga under Simeone. He has all the tools. Work rate, finishing, and brute force that probably works harder in Spain than it does in England. I know some of you would be saddened by this, but I don’t care for your feelings on the matter. If this happens, and it feels far-fetched because it’s too perfect and players don’t normally engage in swap deals… I would dance in the streets. Spanish clubs move like this. So do Italian teams. But English clubs? Not so often. Only swap deals I can remember are Sánchez → Mkhitaryan and Ashley Cole → Gallas.

Oof… I need to lie down and have a quiet word with myself. Right, that’s me done, see you in the comments ENGLAND ENGLAND ENGLAND!

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