Well, my friends, today, I guess we dine in hell?

The biggest North London Derby of the past two decades is here, and the consequences of failing could not be more jeopardacious for both teams.

Unai Emery stole a point against Chelsea with an absolutely dire performance that could sit on the mantelpiece in his hall of shame. Chelsea were somehow denied a goal by VAR at the death. Regardless, a 2-2 draw works really well for Spurs hunt for top 4.

It means they can lose against Arsenal, but could still be in with a chance of toppling a Villa that is the only English team contending a European competition.

Why does that matter? It means that Spurs are likely going to have to do something against Manchester City if they want to make the Champions League.

Big Ange can talk about preparedness for that competition all he likes, but when push comes to shove, managers at Premier League clubs always think about self-preservation. If Spurs have an xG crash landing next season, they’re not top 4, they’re 11th. They’re the second most overperforming team in the league behind… Aston Villa.

Champions League likely gives the Top-Aussie-Geezer a chunky personal cash bonus, it gives him the right to bang Daniel Levy’s oak table and demand big reinforcements, and it cements his legend with fans which might save him if he has a wonky 2024-25.

This Emery boost they’ve been given works for them in every game after Arsenal, but we also have to remember it works very nicely for them tomorrow. If Spurs win their next three games, they’ll be fourth with less need to do something against City.

Arsenal has a different objective – force the league into the last game of the season. Any slip, and it is over. Lose, it’s finished. Draw, and we’re probably living in that world as well. This has to be an Arsenal win if we want to have a hope.

As I mentioned yesterday, the big decision will be who plays fullback. Tomiyasu is the man we all want to see on the left, but there’s no way there hasn’t been a consequence to that horrific challenge he faced at Chelsea. If it’s not him, then I’m going to Zinchenko. His ability to overload their midfield and cause chaos could be really valuable in a huge game. I can’t watch Kiwior have his insides turned out by Brennan.

There isn’t an unknown regarding the Arsenal that’ll show up. It’ll be a force of energy that’ll try to pick Spurs apart with aggressive attacking football. There is a big question over what Big Ange can get from a side that was savaged by Newcastle just before Spurs were given a little Premier League vacation by their friends in the fixture office. Going on holiday on a spanking isn’t usually good for morale. Stepping out of the season when things are heating up might cause a sputtery start. This is a tough one to gauge. The only thing we can know for certain? The longer we don’t score, the harder it’ll be on our legs in the second half when Spurs’ rest time will pay dividends. Most of our failings this season have come when a deserved early goal hasn’t dropped.

There were a lot of people calling Liverpool bottle jobs yesterday; whilst I find that sort of carry-on amusing, it is, categorically, complete and utter bollocks. Since when did we start packaging anything bar total victory as ‘bottling’? It’s childish commentary pushed by people who have generally won nothing in their lives.

Arsenal are well beyond the stage where you can call this season anything outside magnificent. If you’re sitting on the sidelines with draft tweets like ‘see, I told you in 2018 Arteta was a wrong’un,’ you are saying more about yourself than you are about this Arsenal team.

At the very highest level of sport, where Arsenal currently sit, all you can ask for is that your team is competitive and in the mixer for crunch time. There are only 22 days left of the season. We are top of the league as of writing. This is what we have wanted for 15 years… and now it’s here.

Savour the moment, don’t squander it. Seven years ago, we were trying to pump ourselves up about Lacazette, Kolasinac, and Carl Jenkinson finally coming good.

‘Maybe Wenger will win the Europa and send us back to the Champions League?’

‘Maybe Arsenal will choose a really good manager!’

‘This Raul guy, who has been part of some of the shadiest deals in football history, has our best interests at heart, maybe we’ll be okay.’

‘At least Ivan’s here, he can show what he’s about!’

Those were some dark days. It’s tempting to forget about them because now we’re dining at the top table, trying to call shots with a team that is on a wage bill that is half of City. But we shouldn’t forget the banter years, and we should never pretend that we’re where we are now because our fine name demands it. Arsenal is back to their best because we did things the hard way, built the club sustainably, and invested in an idea that took a long time. It could all disappear tomorrow, so enjoy what we have now… the journey is the fun part.

Okay, that’s me done. On The Whistle will be a paid post, but you can watch it if you signed up to Substack. Link going out later! x

Liverpool effectively bowed out of the title race, slumping to a 2-2 draw with West Ham away from home. We all said their collapse would come and we can all pat ourselves on the back for being right on the money.

(more…)

Well, good morning BEST FRIENDS. That’s what we are, right? RIGHT?

I’m still on my sugar high from the Chelsea game. A magnificent beasting for the ages! Should have been 7 or 8 when you watch it back. I still can’t quite get over energy levels like that considering the context of the month. Our weak little lambs, who were bullied by Newcastle, are now the bullies massacring teams with identity issues.

I love it. Sorry, I mean I FOGGING love it.

You know what else I FOGGING love? Predictions about Liverpool coming to fruition. Their luck has run out. Their players are cooked. Their title aspirations are likely dead for this season barring an absolute miracle. Sure, there’s still a chance they could finish ahead of Arsenal, but it looks done to me.

(more…)

Arsenal – what exactly WAS that?

A footballing tour de force, that’s what. An otherworldly display of energy. All the hallmarks of a legendary performance, one that cements the status of this squad as mentality monsters.

There’s no downplaying the sheer brilliance of what unfolded. The team that should have beaten Manchester City at the weekend utterly crushed Chelsea under the relentless pressure of Arsenal’s attack. It was so one-sided, I almost called a charity for advice on how to stop a bully!

From the first whistle, it was a pummeling. Mikel Arteta spoke pre-game about looking up to his footballing daddy… but then proceeded to commit patricide in front of 60,000 people.

27 shots. 10 on target. 3.6 xG. 5 goals.

This isn’t how a young team is supposed to behave during a title race, especially after a tough match against Wolves just three days prior. These games are meant to be tense, decided by scrappy, late goals… but Arsenal tore up the AI-developed script, elevating their game to a next level we didn’t think existed.

I was reminded of a story about a Ukrainian soldier in battle. His comrades were slowing down as they ran for cover, and he turned to them and said, “What are you saving your energy for?”

Maybe it’s not right to compare football to something as serious as war, but Arsenal seemed to prove Arteta’s philosophy on fatigue – it’s all in the mind. And who are we to disagree? Also, hardly controversial to commend the bravery of Ukraine’s people/soldiers given the moment.

Two major changes to the starting lineup: Thomas Partey returned to the midfield, and Tomiyasu slotted in at right-back.

There were simply too many outstanding performances to cover everyone in detail.

Ben White was the man of the match. A beast in defence, brilliant going forward, and clinical with two crucial goals. We sometimes forget this rock-solid right-back started as a center back for Arsenal. He evolves each season, always learning, always improving, never compromising on quality. What a showing! And that no-look goal was the perfect way to stick it to Mudryk, who tried to claim White’s mistimed cross at Stamford Bridge as intentional. I loved how Cuccurella threw a fit when White scored his first, stamping his feet like a hair-gifted toddler.

Caicedo who? That’s all I have on the Caicedo vs Declan debate.

Trossard opened the scoring yet again. What a night for Brighton alumni in general, but only Luther Van Tross truly shone. He slotted home after just five minutes, placing it perfectly under Petrovic. That goal set the tone for the entire night. His best trait is the end product, and he’s now at 15 goals this season. An incredible return for £25m, especially when you compare it to Mudryk, a player three times the price with only six goals for Chelsea in his whole career.

Martin Ødegaard was absolutely outrageous — the kind of performance you could get arrested for. He was dropping passes in the final third that made me blush. The man created eight chances and bagged two assists. This guy is the world’s best creative player right now. How on earth did we land him for so little?

Kai Havertz is an enigma. One minute he’s Berbatov, the next Van Persie, then morphs into Bergkamp or Kanu. Yesterday we saw a true #9. He missed some chances early on, made some questionable decisions in the box, then dumped on Chelsea with two absolute bangers and served up the perfect “I SHALL CELEBRATE THE GOOD TIMES” celebration. The fans love him; he knows his place in our system. Now he’s looking like a £65m bargain, and it’s clear why Carlo Ancelotti wanted him at Madrid.

The midfield pairing we all wanted to see this season: Declan Rice and Thomas Partey. Both possess similar strengths, but Declan excels at carrying the ball, while Partey moves it through midfield with electrifying speed. After Arteta only gave Partey 11 minutes in the last game, I thought he was finished. Boy, was I wrong! He had a monstrous 90 minutes to prove it. And how well did he complement the phenomenal Declan Rice? The £105m man absolutely shattered any notion that he’s anything less than exceptional. He covered an insane amount of ground to ensure Chelsea had nothing against us. Imagine dismantling your boyhood club like that? My favorite moment was seeing him pirouette on the edge of the box, receive the ball… and then blast it just over. There’s a whole other level to his game we haven’t witnessed yet. Consider yourselves warned.

What else did I love?

Players sliding into tackles, getting up, and roaring at the crowd – pure PASHUN. The bond between us and the team is electric. They need us now more than ever. This is like a beautiful COVID-era advert, with all our players fighting for every ball, every duel, every blade of grass, screaming at the fans like it was Miami in a no-mask kind of era.

This whole season has been magical. We head into the final four games still in the fight. Next up is the trip down the road to the Toilet Bowl. A win there, and we set up a Premier League title showdown that could go down to the final game of the season.

Isn’t that what it’s all about? It absolutely is. Wow. Arsenal has brought so much joy over the past four years. If you’re a young fan, cherish these moments because you never know when the next banter era could come and take your joy.

Ok, a final note. This might be my last WordPress post. The domain should move to Substack soon. I’ve written around 5,604 blogs here, you’ve left over 3 million comments, I’ve had millions of readers, and I’ve met so many amazing Grovers. This has been a blast, and we’ll have just as much fun on the new platform.

Some details:

• Writing will be free until the season ends.
• Sign up to receive the emails.
• If you’re feeling generous and want to support the site, you’ll get immediate access to all the podcasts. In the summer, you’ll get all the paywalled content too.

Thank you for being here – your support means the world and ensures another 17 years of writing!

Big love. x

Another game? Already? Sheesh, this Premier League season…

The Premier League has had about 16 two-week breaks, then they lump all the games into one month. It’s really quite irritating – the more successful a club is in the cups, the worse it is for them. I do wish the Premier League would work out a way to distribute the games more evenly over the season. No way should there be just one English club left in European competition.

Anyway, before we get into the latest post, I just wanted to say thanks to all the people who checked out and signed up for Substack. An even bigger thanks to the supporters who signed up for a paid subscription before I even really laid out what the plan is. You are the best. As a heads-up, I’ll be giving you access to all the podcasts; then the writing will move to a blended paid/free model at the end of the season.

Back to Substack, the comments section over there isn’t perfect, but it’s easy to use, looks nice on mobile, and you can get to it via their app. I was considering setting up a Discord for paid subscribers – let me know if you like that idea or despise it.

Onto the post… does Mikel have more daddy issues in the Premier League?

No manager has more of them than the young Spaniard. The problem with his parentage? He loses to those he loves the most. Moyes has given him issues this season, he didn’t beat Pep for ages, and now he’s literally on record saying:

‘He doesn’t like me to say it, but he was like a father figure to me in Paris’

Mikel, you’ve got to stop latching onto Premier League managers like this. I’ve already had to tell Arsenal fans to stop saying ‘Wenger was like a father to me’ on the internet. We can’t our manager doing similar things.

My main worry here isn’t that, though. It’s that everyone thinks Chelsea is an absolute mess, and I’m not entirely sure that’s true. It’s a team packed with largely untapped talent that can blitz Everton and batter City one week – then fall to pieces the next. They binned all the experienced players, signed a bunch of kids, and their mentality was summed up perfectly when they had a fight over a penalty while 5-0 up.

The question tomorrow is which side will show up – a demotivated team badly wounded from an FA Cup semi-final exit, or the dog and pony show ready to show the world they can destroy league campaigns with the same relish Mourinho sides of the past would?

Arteta specifically said the energy at training had been buzzing after the win and he had to stop them. That’s great news. He also absolutely confirmed in his presser that he thinks tiredness is a state of mind. I’m not an elite athlete, so I wouldn’t know, but that mindset can be dangerous for a team’s fitness levels. However, when there are five games to go, what are you saving your energy for? It’s do-or-die against two teams with more reliable weaponry.

This is the Chelsea injury list via their website:

• Christopher Nkunku – in partial team training.
• Robert Sanchez – in partial team training.
• Lesley Ugochukwu – in partial team training.
• Ben Chilwell – undergoing medical assessment.
• Malo Gusto – undergoing medical assessment.
• Cole Palmer – absent due to illness.
• Levi Colwill – continuing to undergo his rehabilitation programme.
• Wesley Fofana – continuing to undergo his rehabilitation programme.
• Reece James – continuing to undergo his rehabilitation programme.
• Romeo Lavia – continuing to undergo his rehabilitation programme.

That’s quite the list, considering the average age of their squad is about 14 years old. The key name there that we’re happy to see is Cole Palmer. Chelsea accidentally signed him last summer and paid over the odds, but he has delivered sensational output and now looks like an absolute bargain. Losing him to illness is a psychological blow – especially if anyone watched Nico Jackson get into multiple world-class positions against City only to blow them with Ade Akinbiyi levels of finishing.

Mudryk? Well, I don’t even need to talk about him. We got Trossard, who has been electric. Chelsea landed the Ukrainian for 3x the price, and he’s been a little underwhelming.

Arsenal has an almost entirely fit squad to choose from. Jurrien Timber played for the U21s and scored an absolute worldie of a goal. He cut back on himself in the Blackburn box like Gabi Jesus, made a yard of space, and fizzed a top-corner goal Dennis Bergkamp would have smiled at.

He won’t be ready for Chelsea, but maybe a bench appearance at Spurs could be on the cards? The boy is some player, apparently one of the best technicians at the club already. I hear the thing the club is really excited about is his leadership skills. He’s going to give us some options next season.

As for our starting 11, my feeling is Tomiyasu will likely start ahead of Kiwior. We might see this as a game where Kai plays as a 9 and Jorginho drops into midfield alongside Thomas Partey. Outside that – it is what it is. Win, and our reward is a 4-point lead in the Premier League, with everyone chasing us. Lose, and well… let’s not think about that.

We’ll be going LIVE right after the game on Patreon. Come join if that’s your jam. You can also check out the Before The Whistle I opened here. x

Well, hello dearest friends of the internet. Here we go again – another week of competitive football in the Premier League of England & Wales. Let’s get into some of the mad stuff that happened yesterday.

Nottingham Forest skewered the VAR in their match against Everton for being a Luton fan. Using a club’s social media channels to make a really emotional point about referees is, of course, very Barclays Premier League, but I’m not sure it helps their cause. It was amateur. The club channels should be above that sort of thing. The game decisions were poor, but I’m not sure it’s because the VAR was rooting for Luton. I think it’s more likely they’re just not great at what they do.

That said, the FA and PGMOL do next to nothing to avoid conflicts of interest. There are 28,000 registered refs in England, 4000 offer up their souls to get into the game each year… yet Arsenal manages to get an Australian Liverpool fan in the VAR box for six Arsenal games and as referee twice this season. There are more Australian refs than refs from London – a capital of 9 million, a huge pool of refs, and not one ref can make it to the elite in *this* era? They only have one ref of color in a diverse league. The majority of refs are from the North, mostly from the Northwest. Refs from Manchester ref the Manchester Derby.

Football obsession is inherited. I hate Spurs because my dad told me to. I tried to support Nottingham Forest and my Dad disowned me until I came to my senses. Growing up, having Tottenham fan friends was tough because my dad would not be pleasant to them – even today, when I flag it as a childhood trauma, he doesn’t regret it at all. In fact, one of my Spurs-supporting friends growing up responded to a Spurs forum post asking if I was a genuine Arsenal fan or an attention seeker – and he recounted what it was like being around my family growing up.

Are you telling me someone who grew up a United supporter can neutralize similar upbringings for their profession? All 23 of the refs? All of the VARs?

The FA and PGMOL should be going out of their way to control the perception of bias or unfairness, but they don’t.

So was Nottingham Forest wrong for their tweet? Probably. But was the substance of the statement baseless? No.

Onto something more fun: UNITED.

Coventry nearly created one of the greatest cupsets of the decade, taking United to penalties in a disaster-class performance for the ages – even for EtH, who has been a dead man walking since December. It was criminal that VAR had to ruin that moment for Coventry.

It has been another nightmare run for a club that lacks direction and any sort of smarts. Whoever they get in this summer is going to be at least 5 years away from getting United back to the top. They have given everyone ridiculous contracts no one else would – and now they are going to pay the price with a slow and painful rebuild.

Just praying they choose Gareth Southgate. It’s a bit of a shame Thomas Tuchel is being mooted. Though it does have to be said, Mr. Tuchel hasn’t performed well in tough dressing rooms of late. I’m not sure why he’d be the perfect choice for a United reboot, but here we are.

Arsenal, fresh off a very top-tier win against Wolves, will be working their hardest to defeat Chelsea at home on Tuesday. The big question is this: How will they take defeat to City? They were by far the better team. They ran harder, had better chances, and looked far more likely to get to the FA Cup final, and yet they were sucker-punched. A team that had a massive dust-up over a penalty at 5-0 up probably isn’t as emotionally resilient as you think

This season is well and truly over for them – but they do have a point to prove to the world. Will they raise their game against Chelsea and channel some of that yesteryear Jose Mourinho vindictiveness to kill our season? I think so. So we have to be at our absolute best again.

The changes for me are pretty simple: Kiwior has to be exited from the starting 11. Even after a good second half, he has ‘gives penalty away to Cole Palmer’ written all over him. This could be a good one for Tomiyasu to step into, or it could also be primed for Zinchenko.

I think we’ll see Gabriel Jesus benched after his drab performance, with Kai back at #9 and Jorginho or Partey stepping into midfield.

The rest is the same. It’s do or die at this stage. Every game has to be a win if we’re to stand a chance. 5 games to make life tough for Manchester City.

Sometimes, to tee up a match report, you focus on what the best manager in the world is saying about his game.

“It’s unacceptable,”

“Because I’ve won I have the courage to tell you. For the health of the players, it’s not normal. I don’t understand how we survived today. Why play today and not tomorrow, when Coventry, Chelsea, and United didn’t play midweek? Why not have one more day for the health of the players? Tell me how you prepare for this final against Chelsea in the best moment of the season? How? It’s impossible. There’s no chance.”

City put on a disasterclass. They didn’t hit the target in the first half. They avoided a loss only because Nico Jackson offered up Darwin Nunez-first-season levels of finishing.

So, if Man City is struggling – with a better squad, better players, way more experience, and double the wage bill – you’d expect the same from Arsenal.

Wrong.

Arsenal went to Wolves and discharged an almighty dump on the concern we’d fail. Arsenal had 24 shots, 9 on target. We limited Wolves to 0.14 xG. Our second half was 100% better than the first. Some of our best play came after 88 minutes. Given fatigue, the emotional drain, and the difficulty of the opponent… that was a really f***ing good result.

This is from the BBC:

Of the top five, only Liverpool have won at Molineux this season and even then they needed to come from behind with two late goals.

Manchester City and Tottenham have been beaten while Aston Villa only took a point in October.

Extending it to the top seven, Newcastle drew 2-2 while Manchester United needed Kobbie Mainoo’s injury-time winner to snatch a bonkers 4-3 win two months ago.

That win was massive. There were so many outrageous performances:

Ben White was nearly Man of the Match. Insanely good. The Daily Mail tried to ensure away fans booed him after his England snub, but it hasn’t happened. Fans like him. He is an incredible player. What an absolute star. There are so many layers to his game, the idea Timber is coming to replace him is pure absurdity.

Declan Rice’s reputation for being a robot incapable of fatigue took a hit. He wasn’t having it, brutalizing Wolves for 90 minutes. When you need to lock down a game, he’s the guy you want cleaning up – or powering into Wolves’ box with a bursting run. His energy gave the team such a lift. What a leader.

David Raya, you absolute KING. That save where he tipped the ball onto the post rescued our season. If we go 1-0 down, we’re dead. No chance we’re clawing the back. Besides another worldie save, his basics are so f***ing good. His passing has swagger, his ability to make our box very boring is so damn welcome. The fact he chooses to hold the ball as his first instinct is in stark contrast to Jose Sa at the other end.

David Raya is just the second goalkeeper in Premier League history to keep a clean sheet in six consecutive away Premier League appearances after Edwin van der Sar for Manchester United between November 2008 – February 2009 (a run of 7).

— Harvey Downes (@HarveyDownes92) April 20, 2024

Kai bloody Havertz. Started the season with a negative favorability rating, now he’s the first name on the team sheet. His blank expression fools people into thinking he’s not doing bits on the pitch. The guy is relentless. He’ll put his leg in a blender to win a duel, he’s first into the press, he connects everybody, and is so damn good at winning the ball back. £65m was a bargain.

How about Trossard? Some parts of his game aren’t always ideal, but one feature you can’t get enough of is the goals and assists. Everyone plays by the rules in our squad, apart from this guy – the only player who comes close to greedy. He’s who you look to when SCREAMING, “please dear lord SHOOT.” His goal might have been an accident, but as Wayne Gretzky said, “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Damn right, Wayne. That Trossard squeeze kept our heads in the game and saved our season.

The unsung hero has to be Arteta. He lifted a team dead on their feet and got them to play harder in the second half than the first. His tactical setup and motivational skills kept Wolves quiet and allowed us to dominate a game most fans thought was a massive banana skin. Credit where it’s due – he stopped our April from going off the rails again.

Will there be harder games ahead? Sure. But that massive win will give the players renewed belief heading into a rough Chelsea game and a cup final away at Spurs.

The biggest achievement now is pushing City until the end of the season. If they want to go on a perfection run, what can you do? All we can ask of the boys is to create their own perfection and leave it all on the field. I wasn’t sure we could do that before yesterday. Now, I think we could do something, and I don’t think City is nailed on for 6 straight wins.

But we’ll see. If you wan the podcast, sign up to Patreon or Substack, and remember, Le Grove will be moving there permanently very soon!